Pregnancy is usually a time of excitement. But sometimes, pregnant women and their partners may feel like they're expecting a bundle of anxiety along with the joy. They have a long list of to-dos. They have to cope with the changes and unknowns that come with pregnancy and birth.

When both partners support each other, they strengthen their bond and their sense of teamwork.

A partner's support is especially important for the mom and baby during the busy period.

A woman who feels supported by her partner during and after pregnancy will feel happier and less stressed.

Lower stress levels during pregnancy are also beneficial for the baby’s growth.

1. Be there
(a) Attend the doctor’s appointment with her

If possible, try to accompany your wife for every appointment with doctor, especially the first appointment. This shows that you are with her all the way throughout her pregnancy.

Furthermore, by being there for the doctor’s appointment, you will know the progress of her pregnancy and help her to remember what the doctor said. A woman’s memory may take a dive during pregnancy. For example, she may forget certain advice or information given by the gynecologist, such as medicines and foods that she should avoid during her pregnancy.

If you cannot make it due to work, ask her about the appointment as early as possible and schedule the visit in your planner beforehand.  

(b) Attend workshops and classes together

There are many workshop and classes that can help couples prepare for the arrival of their baby. The speakers at these workshops or classes will arm you with the knowledge on childbirth, breastfeeding, how to take care of a newborn and so on. With such knowledge, you will be in a better position to help her in every stage of the parenthood.

2. New her, new you
(a) Lifestyle change.

Pregnant women may need to make changes to their lifestyle for the healthy development of their baby such as avoiding alcohol or smoking and switching to a healthier diet. You can help her by making these changes yourself too. If you smoke, now is the perfect time to quit and you will have an added benefit of providing a smoke-free home when your baby makes an appearance. Besides secondhand smoke, third-hand smoke is being identified as a risk factor for babies and children. Reduce the amount of alcohol you drink and join your partner on her healthy living mission. Start by going for long walks together.

(a) Physical change.

Tell her that she is beautiful. Your wife will be undergoing serious body transformations during pregnancy. Reassure her that you think she’s beautiful and that you love her immensely. Affirm your unwavering love and dedication to her every day.

(c) Change in taste.

Something that sounds delicious today may be completely disgusting to her the next. This is completely normal in a pregnant woman. Don’t be upset with her as she is experiencing dysgeusia, which is a change in her sense of taste, during pregnancy that is caused by pregnancy hormones. This may cause her to hate a food that she normally loves, or enjoy foods she normally dislikes. Sometimes, she may have a sour or metallic taste in her mouth even without eating anything. Hence, it is important to understand this and quietly finish the leftovers yourself, or put them in the freezer if you don’t like them.  She may decide in a week or so that she wants it again!  And never ask her to eat something she is averse to.  It could make her sick right away.  If she’s really sensitive, don’t eat it in front of her, either, because just seeing and smelling it can make her sick too.

Right now, she’s not the same.  Her body might feel out of control, especially if this is her first pregnancy.  And she can’t help it either.  If she tells you that she cannot stand eating her favorite food, don’t make fun of her.  If she wants to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon, let her.  If she cries, just hold her.  She needs your support and understanding now, rather than bewildered criticism.

3. Get informed

The more you know about what she’s going through, the better equipped you are to empathize and know how to help. There are hundreds of pregnancy books to choose from. What to Expect When You’re Expecting is a classic and guides you through what your wife is experiencing during each step of her pregnancy. They have a section dedicated just to dads that has lots of useful information. It also lays out the development of your baby throughout his/her incubation. I thought it was kind of fun to check the book to see when Tim lost his vestigial tail or his eyes moved from the sides of his head to the front where they belong.

Many dads find themselves detaching from the pregnancy process, in part because they haven’t taken the time to learn about it. Go with your child’s mom to prenatal classes and doctor’s appointments. Read books or watch videos about the process of pregnancy. Learn about the labour and delivery process and talk to other fathers about their experiences. Getting more educated about and involved in the pregnancy process will help you to be a support to the mom throughout her experience.

4. Emotional support

Hormones you didn’t know existed will begin to manifest themselves in strange ways during pregnancy. Your partner may cry a lot or have moments of total exhilaration. Things that used to be simple and routine now are laden with emotions, both positive and negative. Recognize that these are natural and expected, and that for the most part, they will not last beyond labour and delivery. Patience, understanding, active listening and just holding her when she wants to be held are the big things that will sustain her emotional needs during her pregnancy.

5. Physical support

Help with cleaning and cooking. This is especially important when your pregnant partner is mostly tired or if certain cooking smells make her feel sick to her stomach.

If you smoke, don't do it around her. Start a quit program if you can, or cut down on how much you smoke.

Back and foot massages can help ease stress and aches as the pregnancy goes on.

6. Help her to get some sleep

She is in need of extra sleep right now. She’s growing a baby, and her hormones are all over the place!  Women tend to be especially tired in the first trimester and in their last few weeks.  Let her sleep in on weekends and take naps if she can. When you’re both home, let her rest more than usual instead of expecting her to keep up her usual pace with chores. Don’t be afraid to pitch in on those chores, either!

Sleeping will become a more and more uncomfortable as your wife gets further along in her pregnancy.  When women sleep on their back, the baby’s weight puts pressure on their spine, back muscles, intestines, and major blood vessels. These can lead to pain, decreased circulation, and consequently, trouble in falling asleep. On top of that, the baby could be using your wife’s uterus as a punching bag right around bedtime. Try falling asleep when you’re getting punched and kicked from the inside. (Tim was super-active at nighttime when he was in the womb. Which didn’t make Kate very happy.)

Here are a few things you can do to help your pregnant wife get some shuteye.

Get your wife a full body pillow or multiple pillows. Pregnant woman are supposed to sleep on their side instead of on their back or stomach. A full body pillow makes side sleeping a bit more comfortable by helping to support the back and cradling your wife’s belly. Alternatively, tucking one pillow under her belly, one behind the back, another between her knees, and a small one under her neck will increase her comfort level and allow her to fall asleep better.

Buy her a maternity band to support her growing belly.

Back rubs right before bedtime.

Herbal tea that relaxes the mind and body.

Cuddling is not easy when pregnant, but you can try hugging her from the back or from the side while she is lying on her back. You can also allow her to lay on your chest for a warm cuddle.

Sexy time is important for both of you to stay emotionally and physically connected. Intimacy is vital for her since her body is going through violent upheavals, both physically and hormonally. Be patient in finding a love-making position that is the most comfortable for her. If your wife is having a normal, low-risk pregnancy, having sex will not trigger labour. If you are unsure about whether it is safe for both of you to do it, don't be afraid to consult your doctor about it.  

Staying close during pregnancy is also the best way to ensure that your relationship maintains sexual intimacy after the baby’s arrival. Having sex also boosts the levels of oxytocin and lowers her stress level during pregnancy. It also strengthens the muscles in her pelvic floor, muscles that she will need for labour and after delivery. Strengthening those muscles will mean lesser bathroom breaks for her too.

In addition, couples who remain sexually active during pregnancy have a significantly lower rate of premature births and low birth weight. 

7. Help her with morning sickness and other discomforts

(a) Frequent urination

Pregnant women pee frequently. Very frequently. I’m talking about every 30 minutes they’re making a run for the bathroom. It’s kind of funny, but put yourself in your wife’s shoes, and you’ll see just how much of an inconvenience it is. Imagine having to get up three times during a movie or several times in the middle of the night just to take a leak. Here are two things you can do to help your wife out in this area:

Firstly, be understanding and accommodating. Don’t roll your eyes or grumble under your breath when your wife asks you to pull over into a gas station so that she can go to the bathroom.

Secondly, keep her path to the bathroom clear so she doesn’t trip over anything during her night trips. Installing a night light in the hallway can be really helpful as well.

(b) Morning sickness

Morning sickness is quite possibly the worst part of the pregnancy (well, besides that whole labour thing). It strikes about 75 percent of all pregnant women. Symptoms of morning sickness include headaches, excessive sleepiness and of course, feelings of nausea and sometimes vomiting. Most women will start feeling the symptoms of morning sickness about a month after conception, and it will typically last until the twelfth to fourteenth week of pregnancy. Some women will experience morning sickness throughout their entire pregnancy.

Despite its name, morning sickness doesn’t happen only in the morning. Most women experience the symptoms of morning sickness all day long. When helping her through this rocky period, the key is to keep experimenting with different remedies. Introduce new treatments each day to see which work for her and which doesn’t. Be willing to make many trips, sometimes late at night, in search of something else to ease her troubles. Here are a few remedies that might do the trick:

Vitamin B6 supplements. Studies have shown that vitamin B6 supplements can alleviate the symptoms of morning sickness.

Seasickness bracelets. Seasickness bracelets are elastic bands with plastic bumps that apply pressure to points on the wrist. This pressure can supposedly reduce the feelings of nausea.

Ginger ale. The fizziness of ginger ale or any other clear soda can help with nausea. Ginger has also been shown to reduce the symptoms of morning sickness. So ginger ale is a winning combo. Most popular brands of ginger ale don’t have any real ginger in them; look for smaller, independent brands that still use the real ginger.

Crackers. The problem with morning sickness is that your wife will not feel like eating much, but an empty stomach will only make the feelings of nausea worse. Crackers are easy on the stomach and can stave off nausea that starts in the morning. Have her eat some before she even gets out of bed.

Ginger or peppermint tea. As with ginger, peppermint has been shown to help reduce the feelings of nausea associated with morning sickness.

Be flexible. Some foods will be totally unappetizing to your wife one day, and the next it will be the only thing that appeals to her. Be flexible and give her whatever her stomach will keep down. Needless to say, be willing to run out and buy whatever she craves.

Cold meals. Serve her cold meals such as salads and sushi rolls as they may be better when she is experiencing morning sickness. This is because the cooking smells of hot meals may bring on the feelings of nausea.

Lemons. Add a cut of lemon into her jug of water or tea and ask her to take sips whenever she can. It might just do the trick of keeping her morning sickness at bay as the smells of cut lemon can help to ease her nausea.

Keep yourself clean. Pregnant women are hypersensitive to smells. Even scents she once enjoyed can now start her stomach churning. So brush your teeth and shower daily, or she may not be able to stand having you around.

(c) Aching back, swollen feet and cramped legs

These little things can bring a lot of misery to your wife. Massaging your pregnant wife is probably the sweetest thing you can do for her during her pregnancy. Here are some massages you can do to bring her some relief and strengthen your relationship at the same time:

Back pain: Start the massage from the nape of her neck and continue massaging down to the hips. Start on one side of the spine before going back up to the neck on the other side of the spine.

Buttock pain: Massage with a soft fist gently into the bone at the base of the spine to reduce the strain on her buttocks. Use your fist to press in and down, tiling the pelvis slightly as you do so, but not touching the tailbone.

Leg pain: Gently rub the outer part of her leg from her foot to her bottom while she is sitting down with her legs elevated. Use your fist to do long strokes or small circular motions along the outside of her thighs and calves.

Hands and feet pain: Your wife's hands and feets will be swollen during pregnancy. Get her blood circulating by massaging at the end of her fingers and toes and work towards the centre of her body. Ask her to lie down on her back and gently massage her feet with your thumbs.

Neck pain: Place each of your hands on her shoulders. Your thumbs should be on her back while your hands bend over the top of the shoulder. Move your thumbs in a circular motion with gentle pressure. You can gradually increase the pressure after every minute according to her comfort level.

8. Plan for the future together

Pregnant women have a lot to plan.  They have to pick the baby’s name, buy clothes, bedding, furniture, and so much more.  If she’s going back to work, she may also need to select a daycare and get on a waiting list now.  Help her with these tasks.  She’ll especially need help in painting the baby’s room and assembling/moving the furniture — stuff she shouldn’t be doing by herself.  Additionally, of course, naming the baby is a big deal that you’ll both want to be in on.

9. Help her to get ready for the baby

There is no way to fully grasp what it takes to be ready for a baby, and some moms I know were concerned that their husbands will not be able to get a handle on all of that. Babies spit up and poop on clothing, crib sheets and more, and they need many changes of each daily. There are also cribs, cradles, changing tables, car seats, high chairs and more - all of which are essentials to parents of a new baby. So work with her to get ready, and help her to find the things she needs. Don’t panic all the time about how much the things cost or make her feel guilty about getting basic needs on hand. We all know it is expensive, but it is part and parcel of being a new parent.