How To Raise Well Behaved Children

Babyment

Every parent hopes to raise well-behaved children. What should you do the next time your child throws up a tantrum? What rules should you set and what guidelines can you follow? Parenting is not an easy journey and requires patience. In this article, we aim to provide some guidance and tips on how to raise well-behaved children.

Don't be afraid to exercise your authority over your child

While scolding and shouting at your child all the time is not a proper way to raise him or her, it is also detrimental to be too gentle on your child when he or she does something wrong. For example, when the child keeps slamming the door in the house, if you do not sound firm enough, the child will test your limits and does it again.

Hence, it is important for parents to know that it is okay, if not necessary, for them to scold and exercise authority over their children, and add a reason that is unchangeable. For instance, "You cannot watch the iPad when it is past bedtime because you need to sleep and it is bad for your eyes to use it past an hour". Children are able to understand that there are simple reasons to why you disallowed the particular activity. Long, complicated explanations and lies can be confusing for the children. Hence, explain matter-of-factly and in terms they understand.

Practise what you preach

A child is a reflection of the parents. Your child observes you in their daily life and replicates your behaviour, viewing you as the role model in the world which is still new to them. Hence, refrain from shouting at others in the house or being untidy. Instead, be what you want them to be. Constantly express care for your spouse and other family members around you, show them how to share, be positive and always be excited to learn new things. Very soon, you will find that your child will want to do the same as you do.

Praise them appropriately

Praising them when they have done something good is a motivation for them to continue the good behaviour and also make them feel confident about themselves.

Do not placate your child with what he or she wants whenever a tantrum is thrown.

Always remember that you are the one in charge. Whenever they throw a tantrum, they are testing your limits to get they want. By standing firm on your stance of saying no and with a reason, they will know the boundaries and not test it again. After they are tired of crying or screaming for what they want and getting upset, they will learn over time to handle this emotion. After that, it is important to let them know that even if they get upset with you, they will still be taken care of as per normal. Having boundaries as to what they can and cannot do actually builds a healthy relationship and their trust.

Set aside ample time to accompany them but explain how you cannot always be with them.

When children arrive at this world, they will naturally be most attached to their parents, especially if both are the ones who spend the most time with them. Hence, they will crave for your neverending attention. As a result, they may kick up a fuss or purposely do something wrong to get your attention at the last resort. Do not get to this stage and remember to cater ample time for quality time with your children in their young growing years. If you are busy with work, tell them and explain to them how it is necessary to work so the family will have money to get by and have food to eat. Follow up by telling them how they would have to go hungry if you and your spouse do not work.

You can also send your child to the playgroup, the nanny's or relative's house if both you and your spouse are working so that they interact with other people other than the both of you.

You can also encourage them to play by themselves with interesting puzzles or bricks building that is time-intensive and requires them to think individually, quietly. Yet, it is satisfying at the same time. Ask them to show you their masterpiece or work when you come back from work.

Cultivate patience in your child

In today's era of instant results from the clicking of a button, it is dangerously easy for your child to become impatient overtime. When people say patience is a virtue, it is indeed true. Teaching your child to be patient is everything. When they have developed a tolerance for the feeling of impatience, which is something unpleasant, they would not misbehave or act impulsively when they are impatient the next time. This is because they just want to get what they want immediately. Also, they will be more able to endure failures and learn better when they are patient and have the resilience to do it over and over again in order to get it right. A well-behaved and successful child is the result of getting patience right starting from young.

There is no need to give them something they want immediately. This can train their patience as well. Children may not know what it is they are feeling when they cannot wait to get their hands on what they want. Hence, you need to acknowledge how it is commendable that they can wait, but remember not to over-praise. Showing that you empathize with their feelings and validate their struggle will allow them to outdo themselves in being patient the next time.

Cultivate in your child the ability to think for himself or herself

Children need the skills and power to stand for themselves. This is an important thing that parents should cultivate in their children. Children misbehave because they want certain things but sometimes, they are not able to get it due to some challenges and barriers and not because you disallowed them from having it. When they feel frustrated or powerless, or worse, blame you for not being able to get it, they will misbehave and throw up a fuss. Hence, cultivating problem-solving skills and the ability to think for themselves in your children is important in their upbringing.

Many parents believe giving choices to your child is spoiling them. This is true to some extent, but the trick is to do it moderately and has control. Give them small choices such as what food they want to eat an apple or orange and which colour pants they want to wear to go to sleep for a start. After they are used to making choices on their own, ask them to make more difficult choices such as how you should punish her sister or cousin because she had hit an adult rudely and why. Coming up with reasons and solutions makes him feel capable and responsible.

Furthermore, always let them struggle and fall without you jumping in quick as a parent to explain the model answer. Children are naturally inquisitive and curious. Whenever they ask you how to do a certain task or why some things are what they are, instead of feeding them the answer, tell them to observe how you do it or provide leading questions to aid in their thinking towards the answer. At the end, ask them how they think it should be done. This gives them the confidence to come up with their own answers and possibly creative solutions and methods.

In this way, when met with difficulties or when they are not able to get what they want, they would have the critical thinking skills to understand the situation or people and not kick up a fuss. They would also have the confidence and resilience to find an alternative substitute or solution.

Raise up your child to be kind

Empathy is necessary in an individual. To prevent your child from refusing to share with others or getting what they want at the expense of others, it is important to instill kindness in him or her. When they perform acts of kindness such as feeding the family pet dog and tidying up its bed, explain to them how the dog feels at his or her act of kindness. "Pattie the dog can now sleep comfortably in her bed. She must be hungry earlier on too. Thank you, you are so kind".

On the contrary, when your child is unkind to someone such as his or her aunt by pushing her, tell him or her "How do you think Aunt Tiffany will feel when you pushed her like that?" Follow up with how he or she had fallen on another occasion and how it was a painful experience.

Teach your child to observe the emotions of the people around him or her. For instance, point it out to him several times so the next time, he will follow and develop the habit of always being aware of other's feelings. For example, "How did Aunty Annie look when she lost her cat? She was crying and her mouth was downturned, right? When you went to accompany her, she became happier and was smiling." Over time, he will be more aware of how his actions can affect other's emotions.

Keep in mind that raising a child properly takes a long time and it is not without its challenges. The journey would not be perfect and it is in the nature of children to kick up a fuss at times, feel defeated, powerless, confused and needs you to hold his hand firmly, not fuss over him but tell him that it is okay, he is a strong individual and he should wipe his tears away and stand up again. Tell him to explain why he feels this way and what he thinks he should do the next time someone bullies him again. Correct him if needed and move on.

Good job in giving in the best for your children, hang in there and enjoy the journey, parents.