7 Parenting Taboos to avoid

Babyment

Parenting Taboos

1. Telling them they are useless and worthless when angered

Such hurtful statements do not yield any benefits and only hurts the child’s self-esteem. Children may convince themselves that they are really worthless after repetitive insults from their parents. Children generally have a good memory and will remember any harsh criticism directed at them- especially from their loved ones. Hateful words such as ‘useless’ and ‘worthless’ will not help them to improve. Instead, we should provide constructive criticism and explain to them what they are doing wrong and how they should go about resolving their flaws.

2. Lamenting that they wanted a child of the opposite gender

Instead of being disappointed over your child not being of your desired gender, we should be grateful and appreciate that we have a healthy child. Moreover, it is not possible for us to control the gender of the child at birth. Thus, it is alright to acknowledge such feelings of discontent and grieve- but only briefly. This allows parents to overcome their disappointment, before redirecting their efforts into interacting more with their children in an attempt to bond better. This will allow parents to forget their disappointment at having a child with the opposite gender of what they initially desired.

3. Openly displaying preference for one child over another

Although it’s quite normal for a parent to forge a closer bond with a specific child who may be more responsive to their affections. Alternatively, the parent may simply have more in common with that child- such as playing the same sports or listening to the same genre of music et cetera. Normal is not equivalent to healthy however, and it’s the parent’s job to ensure that if they are more affectionate towards a particular child; they must not be openly biased towards him/her. Actions that are taboo include giving your preferred child better food and clothes than the other, taking their side in arguments et cetera. Most importantly, we must refrain from comparing children or taking sides in family conflicts as if we do so, we will be causing or aggravating sibling rivalry.

4. Constantly telling your children that you are too busy for them

Although it is perfectly fine to focus elsewhere from your children when there is an emergency or matters of high importance at the workplace or at home. However, if we repetitively avoid interacting with our children simply because we do not feel like pandering or taking care of them; children will remember your claims of being busy and attribute it to their parents not being willing to fork out time to spend with them. Even worse, the children may worry that they are not deemed important by their parents as their parents prioritize other tasks and activities over their well-being and happiness.

5. Demand too much of our children

When we attempt to motivate our children via demanding that they live up to lofty expectations of perfection, they may become extremely stressed and disillusioned in their attempt to please us. When our expectations seem outrageous and unreasonable to achieve, the kids will lose their drive to succeed and eventually their love for their parents. There will be a point where the children refuse to even try as they know that the adults will simply ask more of them. No human being is perfect and parents must strive to be reasonable with our children as well as accept their shortcomings. Acceptance is crucial as it prevents parents from typecasting children into roles that they are not suitable or prepared for.

6. Wishing misfortune on other children

Sometimes parents may wish misfortune on their child’s peers and rivals. For instance, in a football game, the parent may wish for another player to get kicked off the squad so that his/her son can participate instead. Such evil manifests in humans when parents project their own insecurities on their children. Likewise, when parents find out that their children’s peers are inferior in some aspect such as grades and co-curricular achievements, they often gain some malicious joy- otherwise known as schadenfreude. Parents should seperate their own selfish desires from necessities that are really beneficial for their children's developent and well-being.

7. Avoid Body-Shaming

If your child has an eating disorder or suffering from being chronically underweight or overweight; parents must be careful with their words. Calling a child fat or skinny at a young age is going to worsen their self-esteem. Worse still, they might develop body dysmorphia due to them experiencing body-shaming at such a tender age. Instead of criticizing them through words, parents could directly facilitate their growth by preparing nutritious and healthy food for consumption or consulting doctors on appropriate diet adjustments. If we have to talk to them, we must use gracious and kind words that can motivate them into changing their eating habits.